Castlevania Frustration Control Center

Maintained by Kurt Kalata, fellow sufferer.

Are you one of the many people that suffer CFS (Castlevania Frustration Syndrome)? If you are here, then you probably have at one time of another. Castlevania Frustration Syndrome is the condition wherein a person gets extremely mad and annoyed at a Castlevania game that he/she cannot conquer. This can lead to annoyance, grief, depression, insanity, and in serious conditions, death. Read the following material to help you control your feelings. If you know someone who suffers from CFS periodically, check out the tips at the bottom of this page, or click here to jump down there directly.

Controlling Your Anger

-If you ever get stuck at a Castlevania game, you may feel like pulling the cartridge out of your game system and throwing it out the window. Do not do this. Although the Castlevania series may be extremely difficult and frustrating, they are skill excellent games, and it would be a waste to destroy such a classic. Instead, find something else to pulverize to relieve your anger. Old Atari 2600 joysticks that don't work any more are good fodder to tear apart whenever you get really mad.

-Try not to scream. Curse silently, or even write down your swear words on a piece of paper. If you start to scream, then other people in the house may start to get concerned, which is something you don't want them to do. This is because they will come to check on you and disturb your concentration.

-Take a break. Leave the system on, but turn off the TV. Do something else. Watch TV. Read a book. Take the stress of yourself. If this particular game has a password or save, shut the system off and play a more relaxing/easier game. Whatever you do, DO NOT play any game in the Ninja Gaiden series, as you will probably be apt to catch NGFS (Ninja Gaiden Frustration Syndrome) which is even worse than CFS.

-Even worse than NGFS is BMFS (or Blaster Master Frustration Syndrome.) Sufferers with this condition combined with CFS will not only dress in a leather suit and whip, but will also mount an ion cannon on top of their car, shoot everything in sight, and try to make their vehicle jump over traffic. This can prove not only fatal to your loved one and your family, but also to several innocents as well. Special thanks to Dr. Brandon Mills for this remarkable discovery.

-Focus your mind each time your forced to replay a scene. Wipe the sweat off your hands. Don't get cocky or self-assured. Remember that it's just a game.

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Handling Those With CFS

If a loved one or someone you know has Castlevania Frustration Syndrome, then take these following tips into consideration:

-If they tell you to leave the room because "they need to concentrate", do what they say. If not, the person can and probably will blame you for their own screw-ups.

-If they start screaming and yelling inappropriate words, try to ignore the shouts. Do not check up on the person unless you are sure that they have become a raving lunatic fit to put into a mental hospital. If the swearing gets too loud, or there are children about, take a walk, or treat the kids to a meal at McDonalds.

-Whatever you do, don't interrupt their playing!! Do not stop them for dinner, do not stop them to go out somewhere, and above all, do not unplug the video game system, shutting down their game!!!. At this point, the sufferer may mistake you for a werewolf and try to take you down with some holy water that the person has undoubtley been hiding.

-If the Syndrome gets bad enough that the person has dressed up in a Belmont uniform (leather outfit, short skirt, chain whip and all), take proper caution. If the sufferer if your spouse, then this can be used to your sexual advantage, but otherwise it would be wise to take them to a hospital to get professional treatment. If they resists by threatening to drive an oak stake into your heart, try using tranqualizer darts or other sedatives so you can drag them away safely.

We hope that this information proves helpful, and we hope no homes are shattered by the Castlevania series. Thank you.