Bible Adventures
Box Shot
Bible Adventures
Platform: NES
Publisher: Wisdom Tree
Designer: Wisdom Tree
Genre: Action
Players: 1
Published Date 1991
Reviewed by: Rupto-pack

This is just the kind of game I love to hate. It's a good game only because it's so bad. Bad like the old sci-fi movies where the robot is obviously a guy in a poorly-fitting cardboard suit and the spaceship wobbles on a string, but somehow that makes it enjoyable. Being interested in both religion and videogames, I had to pick this title up to see how the two were mixed. After all, it was released in 1991 while the videogame resurgence was in full swing. No doubt concerned and conservative parents were wondering what sort of morals their children were being taught by these newfangled electronic video-thingymabobs. So along comes Wisdom Tree with Bible Adventures and several other Bible-themed games. Keep in mind that Wisdom Tree released NES games without a license from Nintendo, so you won't find any "Official Nintendo Seal of Quality" on any of their products.

The "adventures" in question involve Baby Moses, Noah, and David & Goliath, and all play pretty much exactly the same. Any of the three can be selected at the start screen. The game engine seems lifted straight out of Super Mario 2, but lacking that special something that SMB had: FUN! Your object as "a Levite woman" is to grab Baby Moses and hold him over your head while fleeing across a 2D Egyptian town, as heathens throw rocks at you and snakes chase you. If you're hit, not only do you lose a portion of your three stone tablets (life meter,) you drop Baby Moses and have to go get him again. You can regain health by finding more stone tablets, and when you do - lucky you! - you get a Bible verse. "God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble." Psalm 46:1. Maybe so, but He won't save you from the drudgery of this game. On the control pad, A jumps, and B picks stuff up/puts stuff down. As Noah, you have to (surprise, surprise) collect animals and get them to the Ark. Grab two of each type of animal and hold them over your head while running through the forest (?!) as monkeys throw coconuts at you and more snakes chase you. A jumps, B picks stuff up/puts stuff down. As David you collect sheep and corral them into a pen (whilst dodging ravenous squirrels)... A jumps, B picks stuff up/puts stuff down. Enough said.

The music is nothing but seemingly random bass bloops and scratchy simulated drum sounds. Boop-bedoop, ba doody doody diddy-oop... over and over and over, the same in all three games. Not much there graphically either. One level looking just like the last, until you wonder why you're still playing. Then - guess what! Another level just like the others, and you finally put the NES out of its misery by hitting the power button. It's not that the game is particularly hard, just very tedious. If you're not defeated by the enemies, you'll be defeated by boredom. And you know all you'll get for completing another mission is another Bible verse. Not that that's a bad thing, but it's much less painful to just pick up a Bible and read it.