After a prolonged absence, Goemon finally returns to American shores, this time with his real name intact. The first Nintendo 64 game is a fully 3D affair, and while it's aged better than some other 3D games of the day (more so than, say, Castlevania), it's still pretty clunky. The graphics are a blurry mess, the framerate is terribly inconsistent, and the terrain is flat and boring. Since your weapons are so short, it's sometimes hard to hit bad guys, and trying to attack with projectiles is an exercise in futility. The characters generally control well, except you really have to push hard on the analog stick to get them to run. The camera has its share of problems too - it's completely out of your control, and many times you just have to wait until its reorients itself before you can go any further. Thankfully, the game isn't very difficult, so none of these problems make it too frustrating.

Known as Neo Momoyama Bakufu no Odori in Japan ("Dance of the New Peach Mountain Shoguns"), Mystical Ninja Starring Goemon goes back to the adventure stylings of Goemon 3 SFC, except this time it's even more Zelda-like. The dungeons revolve around finding keys, although the emphasis is more on platforming than puzzle solving. There are even items to give you a map and show you where the boss is located. The Impact sequences are back, and now fully 3D. You're even given an extending pipe that lets you reel in enemies close and attack them.

In spite of its quirks, Mystical Ninja Starring Goemon was awesome just because it was finally anotehr Goemon game, in English. The translators probably had no idea how to handle the humor, because much of the dialogue makes absolutely no sense, but it does add to the charm. The laugh track from Goemon 3 is also back, lending to the sheer absurdity of the writing. The main bad guy is a fellow named Dancin', who wants to turn the entire land of Japan into his stage. He dislikes Goemon's name and calls him "Fernandez", while Ebisumaru is dubbed "Antonio". He also breaks out into song randomly. His henchmen are fruity chaps named Baron and Colon, who are completely oblivious to how ridiculous they look. Even the villagers in the towns have random bits of amusing dialogue. It makes you wonder how much you're missing out on the writing in the other games. There are tons of other bits of silliness too - like turning into a Super Saiyan (it could be done in Goemon 3 SFC but it's much more amusing here) or visiting the Fortune Teller, who screams out "PLASMA!!!" for no good reason.

Even though the graphics and gameplay are a little dated, the music stills holds up pretty well, with lots of high quality, catchy tunes. Most impressive are the vocal songs, used for the intro and Goemon Impact sequences, sung by Dragon Ball Z vocalist Hironobu Kageyama and Mazinger Z vocalist Ichirou Mizuki, respectively. In the original Japanese version, the prologue (where Ebisumaru tries to get a discount at a store by stripping) was fully voiced, but this was removed from the Western releases. Other than some small changes here and there - the manji blocks have become star blocks, and the Wise Man's porn mags have turned into car mags - the game stays pretty close to its Japanese heritage. One of the villagers even remarks that you can learn a lot about ancient Japanese geography from the locations you visit.

Back in the day - you know, before Ocarina of Time came out - Mystical Ninja Starring Goemon was pretty damn good, not least because it was the only vaguely RPG-ish game N64 fans could hold onto. Nowdays, it's a little lacking, but the goofiness of N64 Goemon makes it well worth a playthrough.

MP3s:
Intro - Ganbare Goemon Theme
Impact's Theme Song - I Am Impact
Kai Highway
Oedo Castle
Fortune Teller

Goemon's 2nd N64 game still uses polygons, but returns the action back where it belongs: the second dimension. Konami had finally mastered the N64 by this era, and the graphics look gorgeous, without any of the blurry textures or foggy landscapes the system had become known for. It also runs far smoother than its predecessor. While the gameplay is 2D, the landscapes are rendered three dimensional, much like the Klonoa games, which lends a fantastic amount of depth to the background.

The map screen is back, although you can't simply run straight through it. Taking inspiration from the Famicom Goemon titles, you must collect a certain number of passes before you can enter the final stage of each map. You get a pass for beating a level, but you also find them by completing a variety of mini-quests. Most of these involve replaying levels with a specific task (find a certain number of items, kill a certain number of bad guys, win a race, etc), although some scattered throughout the stages as well. Luckily, there are always extra passes to be found, so you don't need to complete all of the challenges to move on. Sometimes triggering these subquests can be annoying, since you have to run through towns and talk to everyone to find out what to do, but you're given a dash manuever that lets you tear through villages at lightspeed. You can't switch between characters at any time, unfortunately - you're only allowed to swap at designated spots, where you're transported to the "Tea House In Another Dimenson", a silly place filled with sci-fi noises and strange electrickery. At least a second player can joyn at any time, and both players can even piggyback each other. Since Goemon has a double-jump, you'll probably be playing as him most of the time, as he makes the platfotming much easier.

The major bad guys are also throwbacks to old Goemon games. The Wise Old Man has invented a machine to resurrect the dead (primarily to cavort with Marilyn Monroe) when it is stolen by the evil floating nun Bismaru. (S)he wants to summon an army of zombies to please her master, Dochuki, the leader of the underworld. One of the returning bad guys is Kabuki 64, an upgraded version of an enemy from Goemon 2 SFC. You'll also meet a mysterious cat girl named Suzaku, but the coolest new character is Miss Impact, a gigantic robot vaguely patterned after Omi-chan. Her role makes the Impact battles a bit more interesting, as you can now switch viewpoints between the two robots and fight bad guys together.

Miss Impact	Suzaku	Dochuki	Kabuki 64

While the game isn't necessarily more difficult than the others in the series, you can only take three hits before you die, unless you're wearing special protection. But it doesn't deter from the gameplay - the amazing graphics and levels help make this one of the best of the series, trailing only behind Goemon 4 SFC. For anyone who's getting tired of the heroes wearing the same outfits over and over again, there's three alternate costumes for each character to unlock. And it's in English too. The only problem? They kept the voices in the prologue (and they're still in Japanese), but axed the opening song (and the whole intro music clip along with it). Why, Konami, why?

Goemon's Great Adventure

MP3s:
Intro - SMILE AGAIN
First Level
First Stage Castle
Second Stage Castle

Goemon returns to the 3D world in the PS2 installment, and somehow ends up far, far worse than the N64 game. Bouken Jidai Katsugeki has more RPG elements than most of the other games - there are numeric statistics, as well as a variety of weapons. That's right - for the first time, Goemon gets to wield a sword. He's also joined on his journey by a cute little white tiger cub named Kotora. The pet can attack enemies on command, making his company welcome. The unfortunate trade-off here is that only Goemon is playable. Ebisumaru, Sasuke and Yae make appearances, but you never get to control them.

But that's only where things start to go wrong. The worst part is the clumsy and frustrating combat. There's no lock-on, and most of your weapons are so short that it's hard to hit anything at all. It doesn't help that most bad guys are extremely agile and take many hits to kill, so trying to attack anything without taking damage yourself is a massive chore. You also can't rotate the camera unless you hold down the shoulder buttons. The controls are otherwise pretty smooth, so why Konami didn't put more effort into this is beyond me.

And then there's the makeover. It's not nearly as bad the New Age games on the PlayStation and Game Boy, but it's really not a step in the right direction. Goemon is now supposed to be a young boy who sets off from the town of Edo to save Japan from evil, and his character looks a bit more realistic. The other characters have gotten small makeovers too, although nothing major. The artwork has a pleasant storybook quality to it, and so does the plot. While it maintains some of its unique Japanese wackiness - you still fight giant robots and whatnot - it's still not as loveably bizarre as the rest of the series.

This is a first year PS2 title, and it looks it - jaggy graphics, erratic framerates, and foes that pop up out of nowhere. The only impressive thing is the intro, an action packed anime trailed with awesome music. Too bad the game isn't remotely as badassed. Working Designs has been trying to bring this to America for at few years. It had gone on and off their release schedule, but ultimately never made it. No one is really missing anything with that one, though.

MP3s:
Intro

After the awful PS2 game and the xtremely awful reimaginging, Goemon stayed quiet until the release of his DS adventure in 2005. The character designs have returned to the traditional style, with pleasant sumi-e ink illustrations. Goemon and friends first run into the evil Mr. Goemon Gang, a troop of poorly-dressed imposters who wish to sully the names of our heroes. However, the real enemy is Tengu Beruri, a demon who's dressed like an 18th century British sea captain for some reason. Much of the usual Goemon humor returns - you run into the "Shin Sedai" Goemom in a jail cell (he's all beaten up), Yae dons a silly fish suit instead of turning into a mermaid, and Ebisumaru gets a farting jitsu.

Most of the action is presented from an overhead perspective with a slightly skewed angle. While all of the characters are made of polygons, each and every single background is a gorgeous painting. The intro has voices, and the beginning of each chapter is narrated by a polite Japanese fellow. While quality of the music is excellent, there's very little new material - most of it is a collection of songs from older games. The game is divided up into several chapters, usually featuring an annoying fetch quest or two - which naturally spells out problems if you're not Japanese literate. As usual, each character builds up new skills as the game goes on - Sasuke gets balloons to make long jumps (required for the few side-scrolling segments), while Ebisumaru can turn into a ballerina to burrow into the ground.

The action takes places on the bottom screen, while the top screen displays a map of the immediate area. (Click on most of the pictures to see what both screens look like together.) This being a DS title, there are plenty of interesting uses of the touch screen. Some enemies can only be toppled with a tap of the stylus. You'll also use the pointer to flip see-saws or pull down ropes, flinging your hero into the air. Many bosses require use of the touch screen as well - in order to defeat one of them, you need to spin the stylus in circles around his eyes, making him dizzy. There are also hidden elephant dolls that you can find by tapping random places (or getting hints from the "plasma" fortune telling guy.)

There are also several other minigames that require the stylus - amongst them, a clay pot sculpting simulator, a test of Japanese calligraphy, and Mr. Potato Head-style matching game. Unfortunately, the game is very strict about your performance in these segments, which causes untold amounts of frustration. It's particularly annoying because the game as a whole isn't very hard. Other than the stylus minigames, the only other really difficult section is an area where Ebisumaru is blown up like a balloon, and you need to roll him through several screens. It's far too easy for him to fall off the edge, and the whole section is frustratingly sloppy. The Impact sections also use touch screen, which functions as a control panel for your gigantic friend. Unlike all of the other games, you watch Impact from a third person perspective, and give commands via remote control to walk forward, backward, punch, or use special attacks. It's an innovative idea, but Impact is slow to react and rather hard to control.

Goemon DS also includes the old Konami puzzle shooter Quarth, although the ship has been replaced with a mini Goemon Impact. If you own the Goemon 1 & 2 GBA cart, you can also unlock the first level of the long forgotten MSX classic shooter Space Manbow. The GBA game also opens up several other features - characters from the old Super Famicom games pop up at points in the game, and apparently you can fight one of the editors from the Japanese game magazine Famitsu.

Other than the bumps in the road concerning the mini games, Goemon DS is otherwise a pretty fun game, although the side scrolling games are still better.