But every once in awhile, I get a person so insane and so fanboy-ish, it's hard to not laugh.

The following is an exchange of messages from one of these fanboys. While he's not an out and out troll, he does typify the attitude of some fans that is, quite honestly, pretty retarded. In keeping with my journalistic integrity (HA!), I've altered his name to protect the guilty. Instead, I changed it to a DBZ name, since anyone online with a nickname like SSJ4ROB or PICCOLOISGOD is bound to be someone with slightly lower than normal intelligence.

And so it begins...

Date: Mon, 23 Sep 2002 14:15:37 -0400 From: SSJGOHAN920 To: kkalata@ramapo.edu Subject: A few words...

Kurt We argued a little while back on the subject of the timeline dates. You probably don't remember me. I insisted that the correct reoccurring date was --97' as the first booklet states opposed to whatever date your site refers at. This is the way I see it Castlevania-1597 Castlevania 2-12/15 years later Castlevania 3-1497 Castlevania 4-remake1597 PCEDracula X-1792(dracula resurrected 5 years early by shaft) SNESDracula X-remake1792 Symphony-1797 Bloodlines(The dates are recorded by the game itself and this story is self contained. Characters begin the sad departure from the Belmont namesake in this lousy genesis version.) Gameboy Castlevania Adventure-remake1597(This game in the VERY book itself states that the character is in fact SIMON not Christopher. Contrary to what all the online sites say it is not Chris. This game sucks anyway as does its successor. The gameboy versions in my opinion should be taken with a grain of salt-they just plain suck. I consider them all alternate timelines. Legends-mid/late1400's the only noteworthy version of them all. GBA Circle-who cares, alternate story, no Belmonts. GBA Harmony-terribly uninspired 3rd installment to the Symphony Legacy. Keep in mind that the gameplay is growing by leaps and bounds but the very fabric that is the story is eatin shit. CV64-nuff said. Kurt, keep in mind that I see you as an authority in the online community. Your site has been my first choice ever since I discovered it. I am always checking the site for news and is a download paradise. (Oh yeah, check on your links to Fuckheadplanet for Circle of the moon's portion of the soundtrack. Most of the tracks are corrupted.) As an authority of sorts I feel it is your responsibility to bring all the facts into the light. I am not trying to dictate, just give you a little insight. As far as a remake of Drac X goes. Fuck Konami, Fuck em with a limp dick! I had to pay $140 for that game off of ebay. They don't allow emulation or sites depicting the game. I, as with cd, dvd, and video game burning believe that the creators of certain genres have lost the pulse of their respective markets. It is time to "take back" and put these namesakes into the hands of those who truly understand them, the fans. The whole Dracula X debauchery is nothing more than a ploy to milk that game for every last cent from the fans. Fuck em, there is a little game being made online called ***************. If in fact you are familiar with it Kurt, please do something on your site to promote it. It is the love alone for the series that strives this game to be. If you understand the mechanics of it, it is in fact quintessentially CV. I feel this is the future for the series long awaited. One last bit. CV Resurrection (hah) I for one celebrated the day that game was cancelled! I still celebrate the fact. I cringed at every picture I saw of it. It looked like total garbage. You simply do not have someone create something they don't understand. Americans screw up 99% of imported titles. I believe that Konami of america are full of themselves and just were bitter because they couldn't get the job done. Oh sure, to them and their pigheaded, smug, and arrogant american selves they were wronged. But I am almost certain that when played, the game is worst than CV64. All I have to say on that subject is aw, too bad. Kurt I have much respect for you and I hope this letter has made you more receptive, not less to a different perspective. I would appreciate an equally "unguarded" reply from you. Thanxs

I know it's hard to read though that, but the basic point of that message is: (A) the timeline on your page is wrong, and (B) something about Dracula X that I still can't quite understand. Take note of the ********* - this was the name of a homemade Castlevania project that, in every single message, he INSISTED that I mention somewhere on the Dungeon. Just to spite this fellow, I'm never going to mention it, ever. Unless something changes my mind.

I also particularly love that he wishes for me to bring these facts to life, as if there's some sort of Castlevania conspiracy that he only knows about.

And despite the ramblings, I figured I'd at least give him the courtest of an "unguarded" reply (??)

From: Kurt Kalata Sent: Monday, September 23, 2002 2:29 PM To: SSJGOHAN920 Subject: Re: A few words...

Hey, Double check the timeline on the site. Those are the most accurate ones. A few years ago, Konami put up their "official" timeline on their Japanese site. Even more recently, there was one on their Concerto of the Midnight Sun page. It left out the Gameboy and N64 games, but for the most part filled it in. Castlevania 1 definitely takes place in the late 1600s. Juste is the grandson of Simon - it says explicitly so in the game. And Juste is around in 1748. Castlevania 2 takes place about 7 years after the original. Again, this was straight from the horse's mouth, at Konami. Any inconcistencies are due to Konami's American manual writers, who mistook CV3 for taking place 100 years before CV1, and for calling Simon the hero of Castlevania Adventure. Besides, Belmont's Revenge was a damn fine game. And Bloodlines is my favorite of the 16-bit games (well, not counting Dracula X for the PC Engine anyway.) The timeline still needs to be updated with information from Harmony and I think the N64 dates might still be a bit wonky, but otherwise it's entirely accurate. Kurt

Date: Mon, 23 Sep 2002 14:48:18 -0400 From: SSJGOHAN920 To: Kurt Kalata Subject: Re: A few words...

What is this? Christianity, rewriting the timeline to fit the needs of the ignorant new? Well whatever, They simply do not care. You should get a timetable with a game where it is the very backbone of the story. They don't publicize it at all. You get a date with a game and that is supposed to make it all work. I think not. When you read a book do like jumping to chapter 4, then chapter 7, then chapter 2 with no correlation, consistency, or idea of who made who? You didn't even acknowledge ************ or any other points. This isn't Final Fantasy where nothing is connected and CGI Garbage abounds. Well, Kurt I was nice, all I have to say is may many more 3d, CV64-resurrections be made to satisfy the "market" and we put a nice long, rusted nail in the castlevania coffin for good! Can you say Contra? konami doesn't give a shit about that title and it shows. I love the series but would not shed a single tear to a series that succumbs to 3d and poor maintenance.Booya!

After reading the first line, I knew I had a real winner on my hands. See, despite running a rather obsessive site for a series of video games, I'm not particularly anal about much of anything. So what if Bloodlines or Circle of the Moon don't have a character with the last name of "Belmont"? Does it really matter, at all? And Castlevania hardly has a consistent timeline and my initial drafts of trying to connect all of the games required a bunch of guesswork. Konami has since filled in the blanks, but he refuses to believe them.

And the comment about the "CGI Garbage" (sic) just further debases his intelligence. "Oh my God, this game has rendered cutscenes, and therefore must not have good gameplay!" ARGH. Apparently these people forgot the days of FF6 and their five-to-ten minute interludes of squashed midgets running around the screen, spouting awkwardly translated dialogue, with their biggest show of emotion being displayed through either spinning around or holding their heads.

These e-mails happened before the absolutely incredible Contra: Shattered Soldier - showing that Konami does, in fact, care about Contra. At least, it does now.

From: Kurt Kalata Sent: Monday, September 23, 2002 8:18 PM To: SSJGOHAN920 Subject: Re: A few words...

They have never rewritten anything. This is the way it has always been. Before the official timeline from Konami, we all figured that Dracula resurrected at the 97th year in each century, since Bram Stoker's Dracula was written in 1897. This was assumption, because there was no actual data. Now there is, and it has been corrected. Konami MADE these games. THEY make the timeline, not you, or anyone else. Comparing it to rewriting history is an absolutely absurd comparsion, especially when you yourself seem to disavow games that you don't like. That's like saying "Well, I didn't particular care for World War II, so it didn't happen." Unless you plan on going back in time and murdering everyone associated with the Gameboy titles, they exist, and are therefore part of the timeline. The fact of the matter is that, yes, if Castlevania had a cohesive storyline, it would sit better on people who care about these sort of things. But the franchise has been around for over fifteen years, under the wings of many, many development teams. Keeping that kind of consistency is nearly impossible. The end fact is that none of it really matters. The Mario games, the most popular video game franchise in all history, has absolutely no timeline connecting the games. And it doesn't matter, because it's the GAME THAT COUNTS. And furthermore, you rant about 3D Castlevanias ruining the series yet you bash the recent GBA games, despite them being some of the best games on platform. You can't take the evolving of the series, and you can't take it staying the same. Your bitching is ridiculous. Just play the games you enjoy. If you don't enjoy them, don't play them. Don't go on bizarre rantings because you somehow feel superior to the people that created these games.

Date: Tue, 24 Sep 2002 15:17:42 -0400 From: SSJGOHAN920 To: Kurt Kalata Subject: Re: A few words..

Oh man, ok, you are absolutely correct on all accounts. BUT,...BUT Almost everything that has been revitalized with a 2000 moniker or the like eats monkey balls. I am watching the movie, television, comic book, and now the video game industry all stumble into a new millennia with no idea where to step. I cannot even bring myself to play a Rockman or X title these days. The music isn't catchy and upbeat anymore. The graphics (This is a big problem for me) are CG backgrounds that look incredibly grainy and emotionless. This "real" effect they are going for like in 3d fighters, I don't feel it. There is a wallpaper in the background say about 30 feet away and they call it an environment. 3D is not for every game. It has its place but it shouldn't assimilate every genre. Sonic, here's a game that used to rock my television as control, sound, gameplay, and graphics fit perfectly. Now all you do in the blasted game is push up on the analog. The analog, here's another device that was told to me by Sony and Nintendo to be "remarkably precise control". Do these people even eat their own shit? Analogs provide NO control in the precision aspect. It has occurred to me that they have lost the art of video games in light of production. Money over art, and being an artist who sees some of these games as works of it. I am offended to say the very least. I care, I know what is better for the series. Sometimes the answer for the next episode is right in front of you. They rather make games like CV64 that gets a bad reputation and then they turn around and say there is no market and scrap the title. For people who have been in the business for 20-50 years they sure don't know what the hell is going on! The proof is in the proverbial pudding. I said it about pro wrestling, I said it about Star Trek, I said it about video games. There will come a time when you will not even recognize the medium. If your happy Kurt, great. I guess I am a minority. Nobody cares what I have to say. I am the voice of negativity, just take heed. When some shit-head company like say Taco Bell buys out Konami and they rewrite the story (The victor always rewrites history) Tacovania's total story happens in a 10 year span to make room for the new character in his exploits against the evil Count Tacula. Well, you get the idea. I will be laughing on that dark day. I give another 6 years before Tacovania's (or the like) conceptual brilliance unfolds. Just do us all a favor and promote ************** on your site and shut me up. Don't forget about your corrupted links on The CotM soundtrack, K? CastleVania 4 life!

Finally he's hit rock bottom. He's all over the place in this one. I admit that Megaman X5 and X6 haven't exactly been up to pay, but it's hardly because of the "grainy and emotionless" backgrounds. Because the NES games had graphics that would make me weep with joy over their beauty. And the statements about the analog control aren't just misguided, they're flat out WRONG. It makes me wonder if he's ever played a game with them at all.

I particularly love him singling me out as the problem. "Thank you Mr. Kalata. You FUCKING RUINED CASTLEVANIA.", he seems to be saying. I was getting a bit tired of this, and my own defenses were beginning to devolve into fanboy arguments, so I decided the only way to fight retardation is with retardation...

From: Kurt Kalata To: SSJGOHAN920 Subject: Re: A few words... Date: Wed, 02 Oct 2002 16:32:51 -0400 (EDT)

Your idea of Tacovania excites me. I do believe that this may truly be the future of not only the Castlevania series, but video gaming in general! Wait wait! Tacovania 2002! HOLY CRAP YOUR A GENIUS!!! Kurt

Date: Thu, 03 Oct 2002 15:23:12 -0500 From: SSJGOHAN920 To: kkalata@ramapo.edu Subject: Re: A few words..

Kurtis, Kurtis, Kurtis, I am over it, ok. I can see that you are a very competitive person. I wasn't writing you to injure your ego. I merely was looking to educate you on a different perspective, I appologize. I don't want to see CV ruined that is all. Can you just please acknowledge ************ on your site? I am asking you for all our sakes. Easy does it

Different perspective? The perspective of an absolutely insane, deranged lunatic? Well, mission accomplished. I treasure my own sanity so much more now, thanks to you. Anyway, a proper reply wouldn't have gotten me anywhere, so I continued my mocking.

Date: Fri, 4 Oct 2002 00:14:28 -0400 (EDT) From: Kurt Kalata To: SSJGOHAN920 Subject: Re: A few words...

YOU'RE TRYING TO STEAL MY IDEAS AREN'T YOU. WELL WE'LL SEE WHO GETS TO TACOVANIA FIRST, BUDDY! Kurt

He seemed to catch on at this point and, unfortunately, didn't reply. However, a month and a half later he sent a (thankfully) brief e-mail my way.

Date: Sun, 24 Nov 2002 14:25:40 -0500 From: SSJGOHAN920 To: kkalata@ramapo.edu Subject: hey, ya know your timeline is incorrect

just thought id let ya know. discrepancies abound. get your facts straight. power to the people!

I'd had my fun, so I just gave him a straight, brief answer that hopefully will shut him up for the rest of eternity.

Date: Sun, 24 Nov 2002 17:03:23 -0500 (EST) From: Kurt Kalata To: SSJGOHAN920 Subject: Re: hey, ya know your timeline is incorrect

Look. Here is the official timeline of the games: http://www.konamityo.com/CV01/chronology.html Not barring a few that they left out. Now, tell me what is wrong with mine. Kurt

And so ends this little exchange. I hope you all will be looking forward to the new Tacovania game, currently under development.